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The 9 Things You Absolutely Don’t Want in a Mentor or Coach


Nothing against life coaches, but when I hear people call me a "life coach" I cringe.

What I do is far beyond "life coaching".I create programs that help physicians move from burnout to balance….that help them to create a life and career by their design rather than by the default that we were given.While I am trained and certified as a coach, coaching is but one of many tools I use to help my clients get results in my programs. However, there are a lot of coaches out there that are happy to take your money, who don't have the proper skills or training to call themselves as such. With that in mind, I've comprised a quick list of 9 things to seek out and avoid when you are looking for a coach or mentor.

If your coach has these qualities, KEEP Them!

1.They are actually a trained and certified coach. Whether it's business, wellness, or life coach, be sure they have been through a formal training on coaching. Verify their credentials.

2.They have a heart like yours, and share similar background and values.

3.They practice what they preach, and have walked in your shoes.

4.They see your greatness and only relate to you from that perspective

5.They empower what YOU what you want not what THEY think

6.They have actually lived the success that they are teaching, and can guide you through their system with compassion and confidence

7.They have a proven system, and an active community

8.They stay current in their industry, always learning new things, and they can pass that knowledge on to you

9.They deal with their shit: The best coaches have their own coaches, are always unveiling their own blind spots, and share their personal breakthroughs and victories with you.

If your coach does this, cut bait and RUN!

1.They call themselves a coach, but cannot provide credentials or certification of any kind.

2.They have nothing in common with you and don't understand your industry or the nature of your problem

3.They say one thing and are simultaneously doing another (Speaks to their integrity)

4.They make the program more about them and what they think, than about what you want

5.They use shaming or condescension as a coaching tactic to incite action. Using shame or condescension is a big red flag. Similarly, using inclusive-exclusive language, "In crowd" vs "those who don't do this are…." Is a warning sign. Great coaches recognize that everyone has their path, and do not shame those who do not take theirs.

6.They do not listen to you. If they are doing most of the talking, they are not coaching you they are being a consultant. If that is what you want (someone to tell you what to do), then that's fine. If you want someone that will listen to help you discover your own genius, then a coach is what you want.

7.They don't have a proven system, a coach, or a community.

8.They have not produced the results they are coaching you in, or have not successfully produced the results in their clients.

9.They charge too little (remember, you get what you pay for). If the price seems to good to be true, it probably is.

When looking for a coach/mentor remember, flash doesn't = success. Similarly, success for the coach doesn't = success for their clients. It takes specific skills, training & listening to be able to coach someone else to the same levels of success that they achieved. Some of the most successful results producing coaches are the least flashy about it. And similarly, some of the most successful coaches are unable to help others replicate those results.

Bottom line: Do your research & ask questions about not only their success, but the results they help others produce. Be willing to invest in yourself.Great coaches are not cheap. The results you will produce are usually correlated to what you are willing to invest both monetarily & in time. Finally, be mindful of the company you keep. An empowering tribe will exponentially multiply your successes.

"If you want to go fast, go alone...if you want to go far, go together" ~African Proberb

Maiysha Clairborne MD is an integrative medicine physician and physician wellness coach, who blogs at stressfreemommd.com. She is the author of The Wellness Blueprint and Eat Your Disease Away.

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Tuesday, 27 October 2020

The Stress Free Mom MD, Helping Women in Medicine Create the Life You Design